Sunday, November 29, 2015

How infertile patients can find the right answers by listening to their heart

Lots of our IVF patients are mature professionals . They are extremely intelligent, and understand all the medical details and minutiae of an IVF cycle . They understand that their chances of getting pregnant are slim because of their age, but even if they know that the odds are stacked against them, when their IVF cycle fails, they go to pieces and they find it very hard to go back to normal and pick themselves up.

The next question often is, "Okay, doctor, my IVF cycle has failed. What do I do next? Should I consider using donor eggs, should I adopt , or should I just let it be? I understand that the odds are stacked against me if I try with my own eggs, but it's very hard for me to come to terms with the fact that I may need to use donor eggs."

My answer to this question is - the right solution cannot come from me - it has to come from you. However, it cannot come from your head, it has to come from  your heart and gut. One of the problems with people who are intelligent is that while their brain works extremely well, they often don't have the ability to listen to their heart and interpret its signals . They tend to switch off their intuition, because they're so focussed on listening to what their brain has to say. They try to extract information from the intellect , and don't take advantage of all the clues which their body is providing them with.

This is why tools like meditation are so important. Mindfulness creates self-awareness, and allows us to listen to the answers which are bottled up inside us. It's not a question of being spiritual - it's just acknowledging the reality that the right answer is different for every person, and the answer is locked up inside you.

You cannot find the right answer from an external source, and while a doctor may have lots of medical expertise, he cannot provide you with bottled solutions. One size does not fit all, and you need to learn to respect your gut to find your own pat.

The problem is that it takes time for these answers to well up from within; and it takes time for you to listen to these answers, especially when this is something which you are not used to doing. But you can't hurry this up ! It's not like saying, "Okay, I have to study for an exam and then I'm going to pull an all-nighter and cram in all this information."  While your brain is capable of working overtime, your heart has its own pace, and you can not make it run any faster. The head works much faster , as a result of which the heart is often left behind, but there is much more personal authenticity in the messages the heart provides - you just need to still your head to be able to listen to these.

The heart takes longer to provide its messages , and we need to respect this. Both answers are equally valid, and they both carry a lot of wisdom. The language of the heart can be hard to understand, especially when you are hurting on the inside ! When you are looking for solutions, you want the doctor to tell you what to do , because it's very hard to make some of these decisions when you're crying. But there is no shortcut for this. Patients need to learn these skills and become emotionally resilient and find the inner strength to carry on within themselves.

The good news is that the brain of intelligent people can learn the capacity to listen to their heart. This is one of those one of those lifeskills that you need to master , because  your life is going to be full of ups and downs. The reality is that this crisis in your life - this failed IVF cycle - will also pass, and if you allow your brain to listen to your heart, you will emerge from this crisis even stronger , and even more capable of dealing with whatever problems life will throw your way.

Need help in getting pregnant ? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at so that I can guide you !

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous2:18 AM

    Beautifully written !! I can't agree enough with what has been mentioned by Dr. Malpani. Very thoughtful and extremely mature approach. Listening to your body clues and your HEART - Her Majesty !!! is the most toughest thing that one can ever follow. But all the answers are embedded right within us. We just need to hear, digest, understand and select and take baby steps towards whatever our heart and our gut feeling is. We need to be our own authority and approach the experts as our advisors, gather the information and make an informed decision. But not ask someone else to make a decision on our behalf. Ultimately this is our life, our baby, at the end of the day we are accountable for our life and we need to be happy with the decisions that we make, especially if we have to take donor, adoption, or surrogacy routes. The work that really inspired me and allowed me to finally listen to my heart is led by Julia Indichova's "FertileHeart" work.

    After ardently practicing the visualization work with my heart and soul believing it allowed me to claim my authority and make informed decision on which Dr. to choose. That's what helped in choosing the right doctor this time and i ended up with Dr. Malpani and became one of his success stories. Thank you sir for really allowing your patients to ask every small, tiny, silly question and answering each question very passionately.


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