Sunday, September 17, 2006

My mom is dying

There – I’ve said the dreaded word. Sometimes the taboo associated with the 5-letter words, death and dying, is far worse than the condition itself. At least by writing about it, I feel I'll be able to get the wound out in the open, so it can heal better. Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind.

I am not trying to be maudlin or emotional – after all, all of us are dying – only at different rates. Death is a fact of life - and who better to understand this than a doctor ? If I don't write about it, who will ?

Since I am an IVF specialist , what makes me an expert on death and dying ? Doesn't IVF have much more to do with birth and life ? But I also deal with death and loss and grief daily. A failed IVF cycle represents the loss of so many dreams; and going through a miscarriage is the closest any of us will come to living through death – when a part of you has died , but you go on living.
Being human means all of us need to become experts on death and dying - because all of us will be dead some day. So why not prepare for it now ?

The death of my mother is going to be an irreplaceable loss. As the elder son, we have always been very close. And I know that no one else will ever love me as much, and so unconditionally. She has advanced lung cancer – and has had her lower left lobe removed. For many months, the tests showed that she had a lung abscess, and the diagnosis was a rude shock. I guess we need to look for the silver linings now ; she is a doctor herself, and has accepted the diagnosis. She is now prepared to move on – and this has given us a chance to say our goodbyes. How well we will be able to do this, only time will tell.

1 comment:

  1. Dr. Malpani, I'm very sorry to hear about your mother. I hope that you are able to spend quality time with her while you still have her.

    {{{ comfort }}}

    ReplyDelete

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