This might seem like a surprising question to ask because, after all, you're going to a doctor. The doctor is the medical expert. He's the IVF specialist. He's the one who spent so many years mastering how to do IVF, so that's what you're paying in the consultation fees for so that he can make the right decisions for you. But the reality is that it's the patient who has to own the decision let me explain to you why, doctors are not mind readers.
We really don't know what your goals are, and it's very hard to find out that in 10 minutes or 30 minutes of a consultation. Patients are often scared or reluctant to share this information, as a result of which the doctor usually wants to prioritize one thing and the patient wants to prioritize something else. Thus, the doctor may say, "Okay, let's put back more embryos to increase your chance of getting pregnant," whereas the patient may be petrified about the possibility of even having twins because she just wants to have a single baby.
The point is, every patient is different, and this is the baby we're talking about. It's your pregnancy. You need to optimize whatever decisions are made to maximize whatever goal you want to achieve. Now that the doctor is a professional, he can provide you with medical advice, but don't forget that you retain the veto power. So to give you an example, if you have poor ovarian reserve and a low AMH level or your actual follicle count is poor, the doctor, in all honesty, can tell you look your chance of getting pregnant with your own eggs are poor, and therefore, I think you should use donor eggs to maximize your chance of getting pregnant. It's easy for the doctor to say, but it's often very hard for a woman to accept that she needs to use someone else's eggs, and a lot of husbands will flatly refuse. They say, "I want a baby with my wife's eggs, and if I can't have a baby with my wife's eggs, I don't want to have a baby at all".
The point is, it's a very personal decision. There is no right answer, there's no wrong answer, and it's not the doctor who makes these decisions because it's easy for us to tell you to use donor eggs. It'll maximize your chance of getting pregnant. But that's very short-sighted. It's not enough just to get pregnant; you need to actually love the baby after the baby is born. And if this is a decision that you made of your own free will to use donor eggs, for example, you'll be happy. You'll keep your baby happy, but if it's a decision that has been forced down your throat by the doctor who tells you,
Oh, you can't have a baby with your own eggs and that's why you need to use donor eggs, and therefore you do something which you're not comfortable with, you're going to be miserable and unhappy. And trust me, your kid is going to be miserable and unhappy and you're going to keep everyone else miserable and unhappy, So you need to get buy-in from the doctor for your decision, but you also need to be articulate.
You need to express what your personal desires are so that ultimately, both you and your doctor can come to common ground and you can negotiate a pathway that works well for both of you. Remember, the doctor may be the medical expert, but you're the patient it's your baby and in a doctor-patient partnership, both are treated as sequels so that both will provide inputs to make a decision that the patient is happy with. Because doctors only exist to serve patients.
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