Is IVF better or is adoption better? This is a common dilemma which lots of infertile couples face. Should we do IVF or should we do adoption? In reality, everything has pros and cons, and these are complex decisions, and there's no simple right answer, and the only way to find the right answer is by doing your own homework and doing your own research. Remember, IVF and adoption are not competitive; they are actually complementary.
Both of these are perfectly acceptable ways of building your family. And, in fact, when patients come to me for IVF treatment, I actually tell them to please go to the Kara website, which is the website for the central adoption resource agency, so you can learn a little bit more about the adoption process. There is no downside to doing the exploration. And, in fact, I even tell patients to please put your name on the Kara waitlist when you sign up for IVF. And that's fine. If that's the right option for you, that's great. You could also say, "Hey, with IVF, I can have a baby so much faster." I can at least stop the process.
I don't have to wait for three years for something that is completely beyond my control. And I don't want to wait. I draw this card now, and that's fine too. And you could actually do both. You can actually create the adoption option as a safety net, and just because you get pregnant with IVF doesn't mean that you can't adopt a second baby. Your heart is big enough, and your home is big enough. You can do both. As I said, they're not exclusive mutually. You can explore both options. And of course, if you get pregnant with IVF and you decide to take your name off the adoption waiting list, no one is going to complain. There are lots of other adopted parents who would be more than happy for you to take your name off so that their chances of having a baby by adoption go up.
The bottom line is that this is not a decision that an IVF doctor can make for you or a social worker or your spouse or your mother, your mother-in-law or anyone else in the world. No one should be preaching and even telling you, "Oh, you're being selfish by doing IVF. There are so many unwanted babies Adoption is the kinder and better method. That's rubbish.
You've got to make a decision you're happy with. You're happy with both, with your head and your heart and your gut If you are happy, you will keep your kid happy, whether you adopt a kid or whatever else, and if you're not happy, you'll make everyone's life miserable, and you're really not doing anyone a favor, under those circumstances, so explore all your options dispassionately. Use your head, then listen to your heart, and then follow your gut instinct, and that's the best way to find out what solution is the right solution for you.
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