How spirituality helps in IVF treatment ?

Spirituality and IVF treatment it might seem unusual that an IVF doctor is talking about spirituality, but the reality is that IVF treatment is highly taxing on the patient. No matter what you do, the outcome of an IVF cycle is always going to be uncertain because there are so many moving parts and so many variables, and we cannot control the final outcome because even though our technology is very good at making embryos, once you put that embryo, that blastocyst is back inside the uterus, whether it's going to implant or not is something you can't control, and not something a doctor can control either.

And this is why IVF doctors need to be humble and realize that there is a lot we can do, but equally, there's a lot we can't do, and that's why it's important that patients have realistic expectations as to where the problems arise. When doctors make huge promises, when they promise the patient the earth and the moon, don't worry, our success rates are 90%.

You're young, your chances are very good, there's a top-quality embryo, of course, you're going to get pregnant. And then, because the patient's hopes are so high, misleading the eye, of course, because the doctors are lying to them, when that cycle fails, the patient goes to pieces. The patient is crushed. The patient was sure she was going to get pregnant. The doctor told her she was going to get pregnant. Then when the cycle fails, she doesn't know what to do next and therefore she takes her anger out on the doctor. But you know what, the doctor magically starts telling a completely different story I did everything possible.

It's just your bad luck. You're in that 10%. All the other 10 patients in my clinic got pregnant. You must have done something wrong. Maybe you did not rest or you got too stressed out or you didn't take the medicines, classical victims, blaming bad doctors these are the same doctors who hide information from patients and do not give them photos of the embryos. So there's no transparency, no accountability, no instability, and the poor patient is tough and the patient is forced to believe what the doctor tells them even though it's a complete lie.

And that's why spirituality is so important because it gives the patient a certain degree of stability and a certain degree of being able to cope with uncertainty. An IVF cycle is full of ups and downs and you never know which cycle is going to work or why it didn't work, so when the cycle is going well, you're growing eggs, you have good quality embryos, you hope for them but they don't implant, you get depressed.

It can be very hard to live with these ups and downs and that's why with spirituality you understand that there's lots of stuff in your life that you can't control. If nothing else, spirituality helps you come to terms with the fact that there is no point in worrying about the hundred things in life which you can't control you only need to focus on the things which you can. The good news is that there's a lot in your control and the most important thing in your control is being well-informed about IVF treatment so you can find the right IVF doctor.

You want a doctor who's open and transparent kind, shares information with you, and tells you exactly what's going on, so you are in safe hands. You need to be able to find a doctor whom you can trust. You don't need to become an IVF expert, if you find the right IVF expert, that's the secret and the only way to do that is by investing in information therapy and also understanding that not everything is in human hands. The sooner you do this, the easier the ride will be for you.

How to choose the right IVF doctor ?

 Choosing the right IVF doctor, selecting the right IVF doctor is the most important decision an IVF patient can make because this is the only thing that is in your control. You can't influence your ovarian reserve. You can't influence your husband's problem If your tubes are blocked, you can't magically open them up, and once the doctor puts an embryo back in the uterus, you can't do anything about whether it's good to implant or not, which means there are so many things which are outside your control.

And obviously, this is scary, and I completely get it, because no matter how much money you spend, no matter how many prayers you give,  no matter how hard you work, and no matter how much energy you invest, you can never be sure which IVF cycle is going to work or even if it's going to work. But the one variable you can control is selecting the right IVF doctor, and it always breaks my heart, how little time and energy patients spend on selecting the right doctor.

 Most IVF patients, in general, especially in India, are extremely passive. They're willing to leave everything up to the doctor. They say, "Yeah, this must be a good doctor. My bhabi went to him and became pregnant, or my GP referred me to him. He must be a good doctor. " But obviously, they don't talk about the kickback the IVF doctor must have given that GP for that referral, which means they really had no clarity at all. And then you have all these clinics that do free IVF counseling camps, which will again bring your patients to come into them. And when patients are badly informed, they're very easy to take for a ride.

Sadly, most IVF patients are ignorant, gullible, and emotionally vulnerable. There are lots of unscrupulous IVF clinics that will actually use a lot of scanning techniques to make patients do treatment that is not in their best interests. Sadly, because patients haven't invested the time and energy in information therapy to make sure that they understand what's involved in an IVF treatment, they understand what a good doctor does. It's very easy for a bad doctor to take that for a ride, which means these doctors don't share information proactively. They do not provide photographs of embryos to these patients. They don't tell them how many follicles are growing, and they come up with all kinds of ridiculous explanations and answers when the IVF cycle fails.

Now an IVF cycle failing is a heartbreak I completely get that, but when the IVF cycle fails because of the incompetence of an IVF doctor, this is adding insult to a journey, and then look what happens to the poor patient. That patient has burnt her fingers. She's never going to trust any IVF doctor. In her head, all IVF doctors are thieves. They all lie. All of them are equally bad. and I think the only way to prevent that problem from happening is by doing all your homework before you sign up for the IVF cycle. Unfortunately, most patients are very naive and immature.

They assume that all doctors are going to be equally good and the reality is that they aren't, and it's only after their first IVF cycle fails, they start doing their homework, going online and understanding what's involved, understanding what a doctor can do and what he can control, and then when they realize that that earlier doctor cheated them and ripped them off, they're extremely bitter, but sadly, the harm is already done and that's why the best way to immunise yourself against bad doctors, to make sure that you don't get trapped by a bad And the good news is, thanks to the internet, it's become extremely easy for you to do so. So please do this before you sign up, and if you do this, your chances of finding the right IVF doctor are much better.

How to make right decisions during IVF treatment? | IVF tips

 Making decisions during your IVF treatment: It's always very difficult to accept the fact that you're going to need IVF in order to get pregnant because obviously, everyone would rather make a baby in the bedroom. Who wants to go to a doctor and get poked and prodded in order to get pregnant, something which millions of women do in their bedrooms all the time? This means, as it is, by the time patients come for IVF, they're a little bit depressed, unhappy, have low self-esteem, and there's a lot of confusion in their minds because they've heard so many things about IVF but they're not sure what's right and what's wrong.

There are so many myths; there are so many misconceptions, there are so many misleading websites, and it seems that everyone who has had a baby has become an infinitely expert simply by virtue of the fact that they made a baby in their bedroom themselves. And this is why sometimes making decisions can be so hard Making decisions is always hard, and it's harder for IVF patients because you know that the success rate is not going to be 100%. There are so many variables, and the problem is, you can't control what the final outcome is going to be. The good news is that you should be happy that at least the technology options are available to you. If you had come to us 60 years ago, I would have said, "Look, I'm sorry your tubes are blocked, I can't do anything, or I'm sorry your sperm count is zero, we can't do anything for you." Today, with IVF technology, there's practically no medical problem for any infertile couple we can't solve, so that's the good news.

Yes, I understand it's expensive, I understand the outcome is uncertain, and I understand it may take time before you get pregnant, but at least there's light at the end of the tunnel. This is why when we do an IVF cycle,, it's very important that you make the decision for yourself, so you're in control of your life.

Whenever we make decisions now, we partly use our heads, we use our logic, we try to be rational, and we partly use our hearts. We listen to our emotions, we listen to our feelings, and the fact of the matter is that you can't just use your head and you can't just use your heart. You need to use both and, in fact, it's usually the heart that leads the head.


Unfortunately, this is something that doctors often forget. Doctors think of themselves as being scientific professionals who will only think about technology and technical bits and bobs, and this is the treatment you require, and they forget that their patients are hurting on the inside. The fact that they can't have a baby is disrupting their lives; it's disrupting their careers, it's disrupting their marriage, it's making their relationships with friends, family, and relatives extremely hard, and that's why doctors need to be empathetic, and this is why, as a patient, you need to understand that it's okay to be swayed by whatever. After all, you're a human being. You're not a machine. You're not an animal. You don't have feelings and need to respond to this, but you also need to find the right blend.

The right thing to do is to listen to both your head and your heart. At the end of the day, if for whatever reason, your gut tells you this is not the right solution for you, please respect your gut. It's important that you own the decision and just using your head isn't enough because you need to live with the consequence of that decision for the rest of your life and if you've used both your heart and your head to make a decision you're comfortable with, you'll be happy, you'll be able to keep your baby happy, you'll be able to keep the rest of the family happy. Whereas, if you make a decision you are not happy with, everyone's going to be miserable because you're going to be miserable.

Need help in getting pregnant? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you!

IVF vs. Adoption : What's right for you?

 Is IVF better or is adoption better? This is a common dilemma which lots of infertile couples face. Should we do IVF or should we do adoption? In reality, everything has pros and cons, and these are complex decisions, and there's no simple right answer, and the only way to find the right answer is by doing your own homework and doing your own research. Remember, IVF and adoption are not competitive; they are actually complementary.

 Both of these are perfectly acceptable ways of building your family. And, in fact, when patients come to me for IVF treatment, I actually tell them to please go to the Kara website, which is the website for the central adoption resource agency, so you can learn a little bit more about the adoption process. There is no downside to doing the exploration. And, in fact, I even tell patients to please put your name on the Kara waitlist when you sign up for IVF. And that's fine. If that's the right option for you, that's great. You could also say, "Hey, with IVF, I can have a baby so much faster." I can at least stop the process.



 I don't have to wait for three years for something that is completely beyond my control. And I don't want to wait. I draw this card now, and that's fine too. And you could actually do both. You can actually create the adoption option as a safety net, and just because you get pregnant with IVF doesn't mean that you can't adopt a second baby. Your heart is big enough, and your home is big enough. You can do both. As I said, they're not exclusive mutually. You can explore both options. And of course, if you get pregnant with IVF and you decide to take your name off the adoption waiting list, no one is going to complain. There are lots of other adopted parents who would be more than happy for you to take your name off so that their chances of having a baby by adoption go up.

The bottom line is that this is not a decision that an IVF doctor can make for you or a social worker or your spouse or your mother, your mother-in-law or anyone else in the world. No one should be preaching and even telling you, "Oh, you're being selfish by doing IVF. There are so many unwanted babies Adoption is the kinder and better method. That's rubbish.

You've got to make a decision you're happy with. You're happy with both, with your head and your heart and your gut If you are happy, you will keep your kid happy, whether you adopt a kid or whatever else, and if you're not happy, you'll make everyone's life miserable, and you're really not doing anyone a favor, under those circumstances, so explore all your options dispassionately. Use your head, then listen to your heart, and then follow your gut instinct, and that's the best way to find out what solution is the right solution for you.

Need help in getting pregnant? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you!

How to get rid of your emotional baggage ?

 Getting rid of your emotional baggage while being infertile is extremely stressful. It starts affecting self-esteem and it starts affecting sexual desire. You feel incomplete as a woman. Oh, I can't even do a simple thing like have a baby. I can't give my mother a grandchild. You feel guilty, incompetent, and inadequate, and all these feelings start spilling over into other parts of your life, affecting your career. You can't focus. Every time a friend says, "Hey, guess what, I'm pregnant," you're never sure whether to be happy for her or sad for yourself, and you tend to become a bit of a social recluse because you no longer want to go out and meet your friends because all they're talking about is "hey, I'm pregnant" or "my baby is doing this" or "I'm expecting my second baby" and you feel a little bit of an outcast. And of course, all this is going to have a consequence now.

There are some women who are fortunate. They're strong. They're stable. They understand, hey you know, this is a medical problem. It's not my fault. I need to take medical treatment for it. But having said all this, no matter how much you rationalize it to yourself, there is an emotional blue, especially when you see your husband playing with someone else's kid. You feel, oh God, I wish I could give him a baby but my tubes are blocked and I can't and you know, maybe if he married someone else, he would have been a happy dad by now. So there is this burden and we completely get that, but I have one request: Carrying all that emotional baggage will only make life more difficult for you and will not increase your chances of success.

I agree it's difficult because I agree it's difficult to go for an IVF treatment; it's expensive, stressful, and you never know whether it's going to work or when it's going to work, but by being so emotionally invested, they're just making a bad situation worse. The most important thing you need to do is step back, get out of your skin, and stop thinking that you're advising yourself. Pretend you're advising a friend or younger sister. You're much smarter than you were. You're able to find the right doctor.

You're only able to ask the right questions. You're much more able to live with the ups and downs and the uncertainty because you've been there and done that. You know what is involved in an IVF cycle and I tell patients if you're coming to me for IVF, please come with a smile This is not a compulsive treatment, nor has it broken your leg; it is a treatment you choose to take because it increases your chances of becoming a mother or having a baby, and not only does information therapy help to reduce your emotional liability. be a little bit spiritual.

You could either do Buddhism, you could do Vedanta, or you could learn Stoic philosophy. I'm not talking about being religious, I'm talking about spirituality and this actually will help you cope so much better with the ups and downs not just of IVF but of all of life. Simple tools like meditation and mindful awareness will allow you to remain in charge of your IVF treatment no matter what the final outcome is and we're happy to be partners in your journey.

Need help in getting pregnant? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you!

What are the different IVF treatment options ?

Whenever we offer patients options during the right way of treatment, they often get confused. So, for example, for older women when they can't get pregnant with their own eggs because they have run out of eggs, one option is using donor eggs, which is someone else's eggs and their husband's sperm, and they carry the baby or do their embryos, which is someone else's eggs and someone else's sperm, which they carry in the uterus and then give birth to the baby Embryo adoption is actually a form of in utero adoption, which means you're adopting a baby that doesn't have either your DNA or your husband's DNA; it's coming from another couple.

But you're the one who is pregnant; you're the one who's going to carry the pregnancy; you're the one who's going to give birth to the baby, and it's going to be your name on the birth certificate. So, even though it's an adoption, it's something only you and your husband know. No one else in the world does, which actually has lots of advantages because you don't necessarily need to share exactly what you've done in order to get pregnant with the rest of the world.

The good news is that you now have an option. You can choose between a donor egg and a donor embryo. Both of these have pros and cons, and there's no one right answer. So, for example, a donor embryo is usually less expensive than a donor egg because these embryos have already been generated and then it's just a question of transferring them into your uterus.

Where do they come from? We don't manufacture them These are spare super numerals that other infertile couples who have done treatment for themselves have generated for themselves and frozen in stock. But because they got pregnant in their own IVF cycle, they're happy to donate these embryos to another infertile couple. And this is a very good way of creating a family and the success rates with both donor egg and donor embryo are good, but when patients have choices, it shouldn't be the doctor who tells them which choice they should adopt, it should be the patient who decides for themselves. You need to own that decision for yourself. It's very tempting to just dump everything on the doctor's plate Yes, Dr., you’re the expert. I'm paying you the fees. You tell me what to do. You tell me what's right. It's very easy for the doctor to tell you what to do, but the doctor is not a mind reader. The doctor doesn't know what's going on in your head or what's going on in your heart.

You're the one who has to lead your life, and if you make an informed decision, you'll be at peace with yourself, you'll love your child, and that will make you and your child happy; but if you make a decision you're not happy with because someone else told you to, and that someone else could be a doctor, your husband, your mother-in-law, or whoever, you're not going to be happy, and if you're miserable, you'll keep Remember, there is no right answer.

What is possible is for you to follow the right process to come to the answer which is right for you. Because 10 different couples will come up with 10 different solutions, each one needs to find the solution which works well for them. The good news is that only you can decide and it's just a question of finding a doctor who is respectful, understands that you're the one in control, you're the one who makes the decisions, who will offer you these options, and then listen to you non-judgmentally, who will counsel you but will not tell you what to do and what not to do.

Good doctors will make sure that you don't make the wrong decision, but they will also offer you a choice of the right decisions so that you can choose what works best for you. If you then find a doctor-patient partnership can be invaluable .

Need help in getting pregnant? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you!

Who should make the decisions the patient or the doctor ?

 This might seem like a surprising question to ask because, after all, you're going to a doctor. The doctor is the medical expert. He's the IVF specialist. He's the one who spent so many years mastering how to do IVF, so that's what you're paying in the consultation fees for so that he can make the right decisions for you. But the reality is that it's the patient who has to own the decision let me explain to you why, doctors are not mind readers.

We really don't know what your goals are, and it's very hard to find out that in 10 minutes or 30 minutes of a consultation. Patients are often scared or reluctant to share this information, as a result of which the doctor usually wants to prioritize one thing and the patient wants to prioritize something else. Thus, the doctor may say, "Okay, let's put back more embryos to increase your chance of getting pregnant," whereas the patient may be petrified about the possibility of even having twins because she just wants to have a single baby.

The point is, every patient is different, and this is the baby we're talking about. It's your pregnancy. You need to optimize whatever decisions are made to maximize whatever goal you want to achieve. Now that the doctor is a professional, he can provide you with medical advice, but don't forget that you retain the veto power. So to give you an example, if you have poor ovarian reserve and a low AMH level or your actual follicle count is poor, the doctor, in all honesty, can tell you look your chance of getting pregnant with your own eggs are poor, and therefore, I think you should use donor eggs to maximize your chance of getting pregnant. It's easy for the doctor to say, but it's often very hard for a woman to accept that she needs to use someone else's eggs, and a lot of husbands will flatly refuse. They say, "I want a baby with my wife's eggs, and if I can't have a baby with my wife's eggs, I don't want to have a baby at all".

The point is, it's a very personal decision. There is no right answer, there's no wrong answer, and it's not the doctor who makes these decisions because it's easy for us to tell you to use donor eggs. It'll maximize your chance of getting pregnant. But that's very short-sighted. It's not enough just to get pregnant; you need to actually love the baby after the baby is born. And if this is a decision that you made of your own free will to use donor eggs, for example, you'll be happy. You'll keep your baby happy, but if it's a decision that has been forced down your throat by the doctor who tells you,

Oh, you can't have a baby with your own eggs and that's why you need to use donor eggs, and therefore you do something which you're not comfortable with, you're going to be miserable and unhappy. And trust me, your kid is going to be miserable and unhappy and you're going to keep everyone else miserable and unhappy, So you need to get buy-in from the doctor for your decision, but you also need to be articulate.

You need to express what your personal desires are so that ultimately, both you and your doctor can come to common ground and you can negotiate a pathway that works well for both of you. Remember, the doctor may be the medical expert, but you're the patient it's your baby and in a doctor-patient partnership, both are treated as sequels so that both will provide inputs to make a decision that the patient is happy with. Because doctors only exist to serve patients.

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www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you!

Should you go see an infertility Specialist or should you see a gynecologist first?

This is a common quandary because infertility is something that affects a couple, but it's usually considered to be the woman's job to make a baby. so that if a couple is not getting pregnant, it's always the woman who takes the initiative and seeks medical care.

Typically, a woman will go to her primary care doctor who's a gynecologist, who will then tell her what to do because gynaecologists are experts in women's health care, including fertility problems. The problem is that because they are experts in women's health care only, these gynaecologists never see men at all, which means they start investigating the woman, they start doing tests for her, like ultrasound scans, blood tests, x-rays, laparoscopies, and hysteroscopies, without ever bothering to get the man tested. This is clearly ridiculous because all they need to do is to get the man to do a semen analysis before even touching the woman. Because you should always do simple cheap tests first and infertility is never just a woman's problem, it's always a couple's problem.

And that's why going to an infertility specialist can be so helpful because, even if the gynecologist does order a semen analysis and it comes up abnormal She has absolutely no idea what to do, and then she refers the man with an abnormal semen analysis to a specialist who is a urologist or an andrologist, who again is a specialist in taking care of men and has no idea about how to take care of women. The problem, of course, is that these couples get stuck between two specialists.

The right hand has no idea what the left hand is doing, and the care gets completely messed up, and this is something we see all the time. So if you are having a problem, please go to an infertility specialist who will treat you as a couple as a unit and will not focus on just the man or just the woman because treating these problems in isolation just causes grief and wastes a lot of time, money, and energy and you just go around in circles and circles without ever getting to your goal.

Need help in getting pregnant? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you!

The PRP scam for ovarian rejuvenation

I'm always amazed by how creative infertility specialists are in coming up with new treatment options to treat infertile couples,. For example, the latest racket which has been going on for quite a few years, is to advise women with a poor ovarian reserve and even women with ovarian failure to do what is called ovarian rejuvenation treatment by injecting ovarian stem cells ( in the guise of PRP, or platelet rich plasma ) into the ovary . The dream and hope ( and false promise) is that these stem cells will magically start creating eggs ! After all, aren't stem cells "magical cells" ? Which are the heart of regenerative medicine ? And which are the source of all the body's cells ? Yes, but just injecting these into the ovary will not magically cause them to start producing eggs.

The problem, of course, is that the ICMR actually bans stem cell therapy for clinical treatments because they know that it's useless. The clever way these infertility specialists get around that ban is by not calling it ovarian stem cells , but by calling it PRP. Now, this is clever , because PRP is not banned and in fact, PRP is useful for certain medical problems - for example , for treating men with balding.

Hence, you inject it inside the hair follicles so it causes hair follicles to grow. Orthopedic surgeons inject these into shoulder joints and knee joints, because these plasma-enriched platelets are supposed to contain stem cells and growth factors .

But once infertility specialists have found a new tool - especially for desperate patients with poor ovarian reserve for whom we don't have any treatment , they start injecting this PRP left , right and center, into any place they can. This a great way of making money , because it's such a simple treatment. And who cares if it does not work as long as the doctor makes money !

In fact, not only do they inject it in the ovary , they also inject it in the endometrium, as a treatment for a thin uterine lining, claiming it will help the endometrium to grow! This is also a lie !

I wish they would stop doing this because giving false hope to patients whom you can't help is actually the cruelest thing to do. This is why patients need to invest in information therapy to make sure doctors do not take them for a ride.

This medical journal article confirms that this is a scam which does not work. https://academic.oup.com/humrep/advance-article-abstract/doi/10.1093/humrep/deae093/7667973?

Sadly, the truth is not going to stop greed doctors from taking patients for a ride !

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Why do infertile couples spend so many years and so much money on useless treatment?

I review medical records for many infertile couples and it breaks my heart when I see how much time, money, and energy they've wasted on doing what are completely futile treatments in the past. Some of these treatments included things like hydrotubation or DNCS, where you scrape the uterus in order to improve fertility or you flush the tubes in order to make them function.

Today, these treatments have become a lot more sophisticated and a lot more expensive, and these include things like doing prp injections in order to stimulate the ovary to grow more eggs, or prp injections into the endometrium, or all kinds of things. The reality is that these things don't work, but the problem is that patients don't want to hear the truth and doctors don't want to tell them the truth. Because if you tell them that "look, I'm sorry you have a problem, we don't have a solution," patients are going to get pissed off and they're going to say you're a useless doctor.

If you can't solve it, I'll go find someone else who can. What's the point of paying you your consultation fee if you can't provide me with a treatment? which is why doctors are not willing to share the truth. Their whole approach is that if I tell the patient the truth, they will go find some other doctor who will take them for a ride. So why don't I take them for a ride myself?

The reality is infertile couples are often ignorant, gullible, and very emotionally vulnerable. Sadly, lots of doctors lack ethical standards and they're happy to take advantage of the gullibility and ignorance of these infertile couples. And that's why the only way to protect yourself from being taken for a ride by greedy doctors is to invest in information therapy.

The good news is it's very easy to do this. There are lots of very reliable websites. For example, from Johns Hopkins or Mayo Clinic, we will provide information you can trust. Or you can go to our website, that's www.drmalpani.com. That's Dr. Malpani.com and www.ivfindia.com and because this content is content which we have authored, I can vouch for it and I can promise you we will tell you the absolute unvarnished truth with no BS because we want you to get the right medical treatment.

The best way to get the right medical treatment is by being a well-informed patient who understands exactly what a doctor can do and equally importantly, what a doctor can't do. We look forward to helping you to have a baby.

Need help in getting pregnant? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you!