Usually sorrow affects people in 2 ways – either they slide down into the abyss of despair or they tend to get philosophical about life. I have observed that the latter serves you better, it builds you, as opposed to breaking you down and one comes out of it as a stronger and a better individual.
I visited Dr. Malpani recently to have my scan. Funnily he seemed more worried than I was about the outcome of this cycle. After all this would be my 8th attempt after 7 failed cycles.
When we started off back in 2012, I was very anxious and worried after my first transfer. I took my medications on schedule with obsessive punctuality, and tracked every symptom obsessively. I rested a lot, and tried to make sure that my mind and body were not strained in any way. I counted down each day to D-day, and tried to make sense of my body's signals. The more attention you pay to these activities , the more your expectations tend to build up, and this can easily consume all your energies, since there's so much at stake !
The memory of my first HCG result is still fresh in my mind, even after so many years. I remember being at a job interview when I received a text informing me that my results had arrived. My battery was failing, my interview rounds were pending and each minute seemed like an eternity before I could check my result. Finally the interview was over and I called my brother from the phone booth, asking him to check my result. It turned out to be negative and despair followed. I rushed back home, back to the sanctuary of my family. I was wallowing in self pity and was all set to receive a good dose of TLC and sympathy. Boy, was I in for a rude shock!
My husband and in laws did not attach any importance to the fact that it failed. In fact I remember him saying – good you can have some tea now ( since I had decided caffeine was bad for my baby, I had stopped touching tea, even though I love it, during the 2ww) . I was confused – wasn’t this what everyone wanted ? Their casual dismissal of the results hurt me for a day or two But I was soon to learn that it is the most important lesson of life.
My husband has been my greatest strength in the entire process- he has stopped any bouts of self-pity that I might have sunk into. We have discussed our reason of why is it that we want to have a baby – is it because we need someone to look after us in our old age? We don’t want to start off with expectations from a baby even before she is born.
Baba always says – Everything is important – but nothing is very important. How true it is!
It is important to remember that your family loves you – for you, and for not what you can provide them.
When we start off our cycles , we all know that there are some things in life, which are not meant to be controlled by us mere mortals. And that includes your doctor. We build him up in our minds to God status, put him on a pedestal - and then the fall is harder when all does not go as expected.
I believe in the saying “Nekikar and dariyameindaal”. Same goes for the treatment as well. Do your bit and then forget about it. Each time you think about it, it adds to your expectations. We all know that this builds up an avalanche of expectations , which can crash once the results arrive. Trust in GOD – he will always do what’s right for YOU. It may be not having a baby – who knows? Secondly – find a good doctor you can trust. He will always be truthful and supportive. I know Dr. M definitely is. Some things are just not in your hands, neither are they in his. You both can do your bit and then let HIM decide what is good for you.
And at the end – do not forget to enjoy the process! Happiness is always productive. Anxiety isn’t!
Need help in keeping the faith in medical science during your IVF treatment ? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you better !
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