Saturday, August 02, 2014

A letter to my darling embies



I am always amazed by how courageous and resilient infertile women can be. 

Here's a touching email which Manju received recently. If anyone deserves to become a mom, she does !

Dear Babies,
 I want to call you by your name which we had thought of when we had just got married.. We had never known in our wildest dreams that you might not come easily or it could be delayed and we would not know when you would come.

Every time you are transferred to me(i think i have had 10 embies inside me till now)..I   pray to god to let atleast one of you stick to my uterus..I literally beg you to stick to me.. I have spoken to all you with promises of always keeping you happy and doing everything in my power so that you will never regret coming to my arms.I want you all very badly.. so that our family is complete.I want to say that we love you ,we can proudly say we have seen you from day1 of your life in a petri dish.

We want to be parents so badly that for the 2 weeks that you all are in me.. we feel so pregnant and glad with hope. We always hope that it leads to a journey of nine months and then  you will be home with us.But unfortunately it has never happened , when i got a Bhcg positive.. you don’t know how much of our hopes were raised and how happy we were that we thought we had succeeded finally but then i don’t know what happened and you decided to not come. And we crashed again, we could not see any hope in sight and everything around us was broken. With lot of difficulty we picked the pieces again and started another stimulation cycle after couple of months.. and no result yet.. some times i ask my self why am doing all this ?going through so much emotionally,physically and financially.I realise that i want you much more than anything i have ever wanted in my life.Today i can say that this journey has made me a better person in terms of understanding  peoples pain.i will never say one insensitive word to another soul cause  i know how it might make some one feel.

This ride has really taken a toll me . i used to be an extrovert always kept in touch with all my friends from school,college and work.But today i avoid all of them because  they don’t understand my struggle and end up saying things which upset me more.I want you to please come soon to our lives.Your amma and appa want to get back to normal life soon..a life away from injections,scans tablets , blood tests,follicle sizes and freezing samples.A normal life with a job which i once had.its like our life is in a standstill mode and pauses after the betahcg and then the cycle begins again.We really love and promise to be good parents all we are asking is give us a real good chance.
Please stick to me embies and we will enjoy the ride .. its a promise from us

Lots of love
Amma and Appa


 You can email Manju at manjupadmasekar@yahoo.com

Her blog is at www.myselfishgenes.blogspot.com

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