Many infertile couples come to our clinic and it’s not uncommon to see dejection and frustration in their demeanor. While some have walked into an IVF clinic for the first time, others have had some form of infertility treatment in the past. Most of these patients are eager to know how we can help them but right through their consultations, the one common question that we keep hearing from them is - Why Me?
Leaving No Stone Unturned
Most couples that struggle with infertility leave no stone unturned when it comes to trying different treatments. Some may even switch doctors and try alternative therapies; and when everything fails, they wonder why they are the ones that have to face this issue. It’s not really nice to have to pump your body with hormones (and have some side-effects), go through egg retrieval and through the excruciating wait to hear which of the embryos have made it (and sometimes hear that none have).
Most of these scenarios don’t sit too well with most patients and when a cycle fails, they get upset and frustrated and many are also driven to the point of giving up on the idea of having a baby through IVF. What’s heartening to note is that many of these patients who have gone through dejection and heartbreak also end up having a change of heart and come to us because they want to give IVF another shot.
The Learning Points
But between all these ups and downs of the IVF road are some hidden learning points:
• Never Give Up- When it comes to infertility, this particular adage may elicit mixed feelings in many. But if after multiple failed cycles, there is even 1% of you that feels you must not give up- then just keep going. Try as hard as you can and for as long as you can, or else you are sure to regret it. There will be times when you feel you have reached your limit, but once you push yourself beyond that barrier, you will find you can travel even further
• When saying stop is OK- This may seem like a contrasting point especially when it comes on the heels of the first one, but the fact is that everyone has different tolerance and patience levels. If you really feel that this is it, and can’t go any further with IVF treatment, maybe you should consider other options for having a baby, such as surrogacy or adoption. Or maybe you can be courageous and live childfree too. Regardless of what your decision is, the thing to keep in mind is that you are not a failure-you have simply taken a different route in the journey of life
• Get Some Support- Though you may have your spouse to support you; he can by no means be the only source. You should get some support from people you know, a support group or maybe opt for counseling. It will help you cope with your infertility and thoughts in a better way
• The Honesty Factor- It’s important for you to be honest about the way you feel. Shrug off that cloak of pretense that everything is allright. If something that your IVF doctor says or recommends does not sit right, simply say so. Be honest with yourself and your partner as that’s the only way to find the right road.
• Stop Comparing Yourself- Its natural to find you comparing yourself to other women and their situations. This may make you feel that you haven’t really done all you could when they did a number of different things. It’s important to understand that every person’s biological makeup is different and circumstances are also unique. Just because something worked for someone you know, does not mean it will work for you
A Climb That is Worth It
The climb to the top of the infertility mountain is never an easy one. But when you are climbing that mountain, try not to glance downward as you may lose your nerve; also try not to look upward as that can be distracting to. Simply know that you have to get to the top of that mountain; concentrate on all the handholds and footholds that you can see right in front of you and climb that mountain one step at a time- I assure you that once you have conquered infertility- the view from the top can be breathtaking.
Need some hand holding during your IVF journey ? Get a free second opinion from Dr Malpani by filling in the Free IVF Second Opinion form.