Indians in the Gulf and infertility

One major problem which confronts Indian labourers in the Middle East is that of involuntary childlessness. Because they are forced to leave their wife behind in India, many of them get to spend only 1-2 months every year with their spouse. This obviously means that their chances of getting pregnant are very slim, as a result of which they are often labelled as being infertile. Now while they may not have any medical problems, this childlessness causes major social issues.

The wife feels inadequate, lonely and incomplete; and has to suffer all the taunts of her neighbours, because she doesn't have any children. The poor husband feels guilty, because he cannot do anything about this. This marital distress causes a lot of disharmony, and makes a bad situation worse.

Also, as the woman gets older, her fertility starts declining, and her chances of needing medical  assistance to have a baby go up as she ages, and her egg quality starts dropping.

Often these couples will seek medical assistance when the husband comes to India on his annual holiday, However, the care they receive is often poor and inadequate. They need to understand that time is at a premium for them, because if she does not get pregnant in this visit, she will have to wait for another year to try again.

For these couples, it's important to go to an infertility specialist, so he can expedite the process , without wasting valuable time. Ideally, the tests should be completed even before he comes to India, so no further time is wasted. The good news is that the tests for fertility are simple and inexpensive, and can be completed quickly.

For these patients, rather than wait for nature to take its own course, it's important to assist nature, so that they can complete their family as soon as possible. This is where IVF comes in, and the good news is that IVF treatment is easily available in India now, and the treatment can be completed in 15 days. We suggest that the husband freeze and store his sperm, so that the treatment can proceed in his absence as well.
Because the number of IVF clinics has risen steeply in India, this makes ‘choosing the best’ all the trickier. While most IVF doctors attract patients based on their marketing or word of mouth publicity, it is highly advisable that you undertake research before opting for any IVF doctor.

Need help in getting pregnant ? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you !

Infertility is not your fault!

Lots of infertile  women are depressed  because they think life is being very unkind to them. The fact that beggars can have children at the drop of a hat, but they can't even perform such a basic biological function ( which millions of others can perform effortlessly ) hurts their self-esteem. This spills over into other parts of their life, and affects their personal relationships and their professional productivity as well.

Their unspoken plea is – ‘Why me?  After all , I haven't hurt anyone, and am likely to be a good mother, so why is God punishing me ? ' They start blaming themselves, and believe it must have been something they may have done in the past ( or in an earlier lifetime !) which is causing them to become infertile.

  You need to stop beating up on yourself - infertility is a medical problem, and it was not caused by something you did or did not do ! God does not punish anyone, and you need to learn to look at your problem more objectively, so you can deal with it constructively.

1)            Take control

While this can be a distressing diagnosis, at least being able to put a name on the problem can help you take a step in the right direction to solving it. The good news is that there are many options available for family building - both medical and non-medical - so you can start exploring this. You don't need to remain a passive bystander or leave everything upto fate !

2)            Learn to be kind to  yourself

Stop blaming yourself , and don't mull over the past or wallow in self-pity. Playing the "woulda, coulda, shame" game just makes a bad situation worse, and doesn't change matters. You need to move forwards, and remind yourself that  this is a medical problem which needs a medical solution - and the good news is that this is now easily available.

3)            Talk to your friends and family

Sharing your feelings with your loved ones is great way to help you get through the grief.  Let your family and close friends be the support you need through this tough time and instill positivity around you. Keeping a personal diary and journal can also help, as it allows you to vent safely. You can also find lots of other infertile women online, who will support you without being judgmental.

4)            Be Proactive

Stop thinking about your past and start working on your future.  While the final outcome is not in your hands, if you do your homework properly, you will have peace of mind you did your best.

Staying positive is a big step towards leaving behind the self-blame game. Infertility is difficult to handle,  but with internal positivity and external support, you can find a solution !

Why don't gynecologists provide the right treatment to infertile women with endometriosis ?

Overtreating endometriosis from Dr Aniruddha Malpani

Dr Anjali Malpani interviewed in Mid-Day on problem of rising infertility in Mumbai

In this city of dreams, conceiving a child seems to have become a nightmare for more and more couples, data procured through the RTI Act has revealed.

Statistics show that in the last five years, since 2012, more than 32,000 people have opted for in vitro fertilization, pushing worried doctors to sound the alarm - changes in lifestyle is to be blamed for the rise in infertility among Mumbaikars.

http://www.mid-day.com/articles/32864-mumbaikars-have-sought-ivf-treatment-between-2012-to-2016-mumbai-news/18520162

The hurtful things people say to infertile women

One of the hazards of being infertile is having to cope with all the unsolicited advice you get from friends and relatives.

Anyone who has had a baby thinks they are an expert on babymaking, and they are happy to give you tons of gratuitous and uncalled for advice

They are often completely clueless about the basics of reproduction, but they believe that since you are not able to have a baby , you are the one who must be clueless, and they are happy to tell you how they got pregnant, so you can follow in their footsteps !

They will tell you all about the "fertile time"; how and when to have sex; who the best doctor is; and how their cousin got pregnant after going to a temple in Varanasi.

Please don't get irritated when they share this rubbish.

Yes it can be painful and hurtful, but remember that most of them are doing with good intentions. It's because they care for you and want to see you happy that they offer this well-meaning advice. Sadly, they don't understand how much pain they inadvertently cause you; or that a lot of the suggestions they offer are just old wife's tales, and are factually wrong !

Just nod politely ; smile and thank them for their concern and interest; and tell them that you are taking all the right steps by going to a medical expert, so they stop haranguing you.

If you feel they are doing it to harass you, then you need to fight fire with fire ! Ask them to show you their MD degree;  or offer to pay their medical consultation fees for all their expert advice - this will make sure they understand that it's best for them to keep quiet, rather than to hassle you !

Take a guided tour of Malpani Infertility Clinic online !