Friday, October 03, 2014

What infertile couples need to do to get over their fear of IVF

Do you dread attempting IVF , even though you know that this is the one treatment which maximizes your chances of having a baby ?

Quite likely your major fear ( which is completely normal) is that IVF does not have a 100% success rate, and you are scared that even after spending all that money, you may end up with nothing in your hands to show for all your efforts and expenses. This often paralyses patients into inactivity .

You are emotionally vulnerable, and the possibility that even the most advanced medical treatment may not actually give you the baby which you desire so deeply gives you nightmares and sleepless nights. Many couples are not willing to even think about the possibility that they may be forced remain childless all their life – just like most humans are unwilling to confront their own mortality.
This makes a bad problem even worse , because when you become emotional , you can't think straight and are not capable of making the right decisions . This impasse is often exacerbated by the fact that your spouse may not agree as to which treatment option is best for you . Thus, for example , the husband may be willing to consider adoption , while the wife may refuse to do so, because she is worried about whether their family will accept their adopted child. Men tend to oversimplify problems , and look for shortcuts, whereas women  are better able to take a long-term perspective and weight pros and cons.

The social pressures to which infertile couples are subjected to just makes matters so much worse. There are 50 different people telling you 50 different things , and you don’t know whom you can trust.

The only effective solution is to move forward by taking action . This needs to be a well-informed exploration of their options - not just action for the sake of doing something . This means you need to do your homework ; explore all your options ; and come to terms with the fact that the outcome of any action is always uncertain – all you can do is follow proper process. This way, no matter whether you get pregnant or not, at least you will have peace of mind that you did their best.

The problem is that infertile couples are often so frustrated and mentally upset that the default action is often that of inertia - doing nothing . This is the worst possible action for you to take !  You need to listen to both your head and your heart. You need to follow a logical systematic framework ; make a list of all your options and work your way through that list , finding the option which appeals the most to you.

Being infertile is an extremely emotional experience . It affects your self-esteem , and makes you feel bad about yourself . It often shakes up your faith in God , and causes marriages to break up as well . There is no doubt that the price one pays for being infertile can be considerable. On the other hand, if you think of it as a challenge and learn to overcome this, the strength which you can derive from this battle can be a very healing experience. Infertility can teach a lot of life lessons – it’s up to you to decide which lessons you want to learn !

Not sure if you should do IVF or not ? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at so I can guide you sensibly !

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