Wednesday, July 18, 2012

How to make decisions – a guide for the infertile couple

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It’s often hard to decide what to do when you are infertile. There are always many options – and lots of confusion, because there are so many choices. Often, patients will fall into the trap of paralysis by analysis, and many need a helping hand to guide them in the right direction. The situation becomes more complex when the husband and wife don’t see eye to eye; or when there are external family and social pressure to pursue an option you are not comfortable with. Not being able to afford the treatment just exacerbates the complexity of  making these decisions, A wrong decision can prove to be extremely expensive – not just financially, but emotionally as well ! Suppose you go ahead with the adoption , even though your mother in law does not approve? Will she accept her grandchild ?Will he be treated as a part of the family  ? What are the long term consequence of the decision ? Will your husband be able to love a child born of donor sperm as his own ?

I feel you should make these decisions for purely selfish reasons. Unless you are happy , you will never be able to keep anyone else happy. You should concentrate on maximizing personal happiness , so that you can share your joy with others. Everything else will fall into place . Some people prefer becoming a martyrs – I will forego the IVF treatment, even though I want to do this more than anything else, because it is too expensive. I will sacrifice my happiness for the sake of my family members. This doesn't help at all. Often, this gesture is not appreciated , because they don't even know that you're making such a big sacrifice on their behalf. Secondly , you are likely to resent the fact that you made a decision , which was not in your best interests , for the sake of someone else. You expect to be praised for this – and when this is not forthcoming, you will start feeling that what you did was in vain. Ironically , if you had discussed this decision with them, they would most probably have told you to do what your heart tells you ! People who really love you will help you to do what’s best for you ! Rather than worry about others, it is important to listen to your head – and your heart. These decisions need not be justified or rationalized, because  no one else has the right to sit in judgment on you.  Some of the questions are complicated , and the bottom line is there are no easy answers. You can't go by what others have done – and there is no established track to follow. There is no such thing as a wrong answer , if you decide the answer for yourself.

Remember that love gets multiplied , it doesn't get divided. If you want to add another child to your family, not only will you love that child a lot , your will continue loving your existing children as well !

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