Sunday, March 07, 2010

What I learned from my failed ICSI cycle

This is a guest post from a patient, who is now a good friend !

My first ICSI attempt failed. The first day after hearing this I was very disappointed and down. But the next day, I felt this strange sense of peace and happiness. I realized that I have learned so much from this experience, I am very grateful for that. Firstly, I am really proud of myself, I never in my wildest dreams imagined that I could be so emotionally and physically resilient. Secondly, I feel a deep sense of gratitude for everything I have, my family, my health and so many other blessings that I tend to take for granted. Life is fragile and it is important to be aware and thankful for all our blessings, every minute, every single day. Thirdly, I am much more compassionate than before and feel a strong inner desire to become a better person and do more charity. I have felt pain and want to help others in their pain in whatever capacity I can. Fourthly, I have learned to be less of a control freak, I always plan, have spreadsheets & timelines for pretty much everything in my life and I have learned to not plan and obsesses this much. This has made me so much calmer now. All I can do is work hard (try my best a couple more times at ICSI), be a good person and have faith that God will take care of good people.

My heartfelt gratitude to Dr Malpani who took such wonderful care of us and went way beyond his call of duty. Thank you for being a kind and patient friend and for always reminding me that this experience should make me a better and not a bitter person.

A failed IVF cycle is a personal crisis and it requires a lot of resilience to bounce back ! The word crisis in Chinese has two meanings - danger and opportunity. I like the fact that this patient is mature enough to learn from adversity and has converted this problem into an opportunity for growth ! We can't choose our problems - but we can choose the way we choose to respond to them !

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