Sunday, April 29, 2018

How IVF patients can deal with unwanted advice

Most women going through an IVF cycle are extremely well informed because they spend so much time on the internet reading up about the problem. Also, they have finally found an IVF  doctor whom they're happy and comfortable with , who gives them all the medical advice they need and they are happy to follow this.
However, just because they are infertile, it seems that everyone else has an opinion about what they should and should not be doing ! Just because they have been able to have a baby in their own bedroom, they think they are fertility experts, and are qualified to advice infertile couples !
They tell them what precautions they need to take ; and give them a long list of do's and don'ts, because on their extensive personal experience with baby-making.
Many IVF patients find this extremely frustrating , because this often diametrically opposite to the advice which their doctor has given them.   Now if someone you love gives you well-meaning advice because they care for you, then you should listen to them respectfully - and ignore what they say, if it  makes no sense to you. But if the person is a pushy nosy-parker, who keeps on intruding - for example, a neighbour who insists that you should be on bed rest for 14 days after the embryo transfer, because that's what her sister-in-law's best friend who got pregnant after doing IVF in the USA was told to do , then you can ask them a simple question to put them in their place, "Please show me your MD degree certificate."
The problem is that because you are emotionally very vulnerable, you are quite likely to follow what anyone tells you , even if it's illogical. After all, what harm can it do not eat papayas for a week ?  And the amulet which your friend got for you from the famous fertility temple in Kerala ? Why not wear it cover all your best - after all, science doesn't have all the answers, and most women are  quite happy to clutch at straws.
The problem is that all this conflicting advice can drive you batty - and if you don't get pregnant, you may end up blaming yourself - was it because of the heavy suitcase I lifted that my embryo fell out of my uterus ?
At the end of the day, you need to invest in Information Therapy, so that you are confident about what you  know, and don't get carried away by the old wife's tales and myths and misconceptions which still surround IVF.
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