After a failed IVF cycle, the commonest questions patients ask me is, "What do I do next, doctor? Should I give up? Should I adopt? Should I use donor egg? Should I do surrogacy?"

This seems to be a  straightforward question , for which I can provide a medically accurate answer, but it's also a very emotionally charged question, because there's so much riding on it.

As a doctor, I can't just give cut and dried opinion. I need to help the patient to find the answer within herself. I try to be non-directive and nonjudgmental , and I tell them, "Look, there is no right answer. The answer varies for each person. You need to find out what's right for yourself."

Most patients are not very happy with this kind of answer, because they want a doctor who will tell them what to do - who will give them the answers. After all, isn't the doctor the medical expert ? Isn't this his job ? What kind of doctor tells the patient to find their own  solutions ?

It's very tempting for me to tell them what to do, but I know that this approach is not in their long-term best interest , or the child's.

This is why I send them this particular question - “Is your goal to have the experience of being pregnant or is your goal to have the best chance of having a healthy baby?”   from this article, which I thought was very meaningful. It cuts to the chase, and allows patients to look inside their own heart , so that they can find the right answers for themselves.

Need help in getting pregnant ? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you !