How to bounce back when your IVF cycle fails

It can be very hard to accept the fact that your IVF cycle has failed, because every patient does every IVF treatment with the hope that it's going to work !

Many women will repeat the HCG test multiple times, because they aren’t willing to confront this bitter truth, while others will go into mourning.

It’s important to be prepared to deal with failure , because it’s impossible to predict which cycle will succeed. Having realistic expectations and arming yourself with Information Therapy can help you deal with these ups and downs, and make you more resilient.

When your beta HCH comes back as negative, the first step is to learn to be kind to yourself . Please stop blaming yourself for the failure – this is not something that is in your hands. You need to allow yourself enough time, space, and privacy to grieve, so you can bounce back without indulging in an orgy of self-pity.

The outcome of an IVF cycle is uncertain and unpredictable, no matter how good the doctor, or how well the cycle progressed. You are not responsible for the failure , so please don’t allow other people to start blaming you . It’s very common for well-meaning "aunties" to explain the failure by saying that the embryo did not implant because you didn't rest enough, or because you ate something "hot", or because you lifted weights, or because you took on too much stress. They are completely clueless, so it’s best to ignore them. If they become too intrusive, ask them to show you their medical degree !

Please don’t blame your doctor either ! It’s hard to be kind to him, because he is a soft target, but good doctors want all their patients to get pregnant, and when the cycle fails, it can be distressing for the doctor as well !

After you have finished grieving, you need to learn to bounce back and think about the future. The first step you need to take is to review all your medical records especially your embryo photographs. If you don’t have photographs of your embryos, this is a major problem , because it clearly suggests that you have not received good quality medical care. All good IVF clinics routinely and proactively provide embryo photos to all their patients to document that they have received the best medical care.

You then need to get a second opinion based on your medical records,  so you can decide whether your current clinic is treating you well, and is  on the right track , or whether it's time to change your doctor.

Now you don’t need to reflexively change your doctor just because your cycle failed – but if the quality of your embryos was poor – or if the doctor refuses to give you photos of your embryos, you should definitely consider getting treatment from a better clinic that provides embryo photos routinely to all its patients and does only blastocyst transfers.

Need help in getting pregnant ? Please send me your medical details by filling in the form at www.drmalpani.com/free-second-opinion so that I can guide you !