Coping with Anxiety - A guide for infertile couples

All of us have areas in our life which we worry about . Some of these  worries are rational, while many are emotional. We cannot explain why we have these, and have little control over them. Everyone understands worries are not very constructive , but we continue to worry in spite of ourselves , even though we know it does not help. After all , the head understands that worrying about something will not solve the problem - and it often makes it worse, because when you sit and obsess about it,  it just gets magnified even further. However, it's hard to stop your mind from playing games, and worrying about whether or not they will ever have a baby is a worry which prey's on the minds of many infertile couples.

An additional problem for infertile couples is that there are two people who are involved - and each has a different way of worrying , and a different style of coping with their worries.

Often the husband and the wife worry about completely different things. The husband may be worried about how much money they're going to have spend, while the wife may be worried about whether she will ever be able to experience motherhood.  Because the husband thinks the wife doesn't care about the money , he thinks she is impractical and short-sighted. The wife , on the other hand, feels her husband only cares about money -  that he is unempathetic and isn't bothered about her feelings.

When both the husband and wife worry about the same thing, their worries often feed off each other, until it becomes a negative vicious cycle, where they both start catastrophising, and get paralysed into inactivity. Some marriages will break up , because they cannot handle the anxiety.

On the other hand, when both are mature, they learn to support each other, so they can help the other to put their anxieties in the right perspective. This can help the marriage to become a lot stronger.

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