Too tired to have sex ?

A number of urban couples are not getting pregnant simply because they're too tired to have sex . There are many reasons for this . Life in metropolises like Mumbai can be extremely stressful. They have to commute long distances; meet work deadlines ; and keep the boss happy . This often means that by the time they come back home , they are just too tried to have sex. All they can do is eat dinner and then flop off to sleep – and the grind starts again the next day. Under these circumstances, it’s hardly surprising that libido is the first casualty.  The only time they have for each other is on Sundays – and even this often tied up in shopping and socializing.

The truth is that quite a few couples would be able to get pregnant if they were able to have sex more frequently ! Now that we know what the problem is, what are the solutions ?

The problem  of infrequent sex is often the elephant in the room which both partners refuse to discuss. The husband may feel guilty that he is not more sexually active , and that his reluctance to have more frequent sex is depriving his wife of having a baby. On the other hand, the wife may worry that her husband no longer finds her sexually desirable , and infertility will often damage her self esteem even more.

Some husbands may resent being treated as “studs” who have to perform “on demand” ,whenever ( and only when) she is ovulating. Women often feel quite frustrated when they realize that their husband is too tired to even try to initiate sexual activity , because his libido is just not up to the mark . I think women also need to take the initiative and understand that if they want to have a baby , part of the responsibility also lies with them . Most husbands are quite happy to be seduced !

The truth is that infertility puts a lot of strain on the marriage and can ruin the spontaneous sexual desires of both partners.  Couples need to acknowledge this, so they can find a solution which works for both of them.

While doing intrauterine insemination ( IUI ) may seem like a tempting shortcut, it’s much more fun making a baby in the bedroom , rather than going to a clinic . Thus, if you are too tired to have sex at night, a simple solution is to have a quickie the first thing in the morning. Lots of men have an early-morning erection, so why not take advantage of this ?  This is a great way of starting the day – and as long as the sperm is going inside the vagina , it doesn’t matter what time of the day it goes in !

It’s also good idea to have a shower together. You feel clean – and if you soap each other, the conditions are often ripe for a quickie.

It’s worth investing in sexual toys like body massagers,  vibrators and liquid paraffin , to help make sex more fun.

One option is to use the self-insemination kit, of he does not have the energy to have sexual intercourse, but this should be Plan B.