Sunday, April 12, 2015

Living each day one at a time- a skill required for an IVF couple

This is why I love being an IVF specialist - I learn so much from my patients every day.

Here's a guest post from our expert patient.

An infertility journey was never a part of my chosen life plan. Chartered accountant at 22- check. Be settled in a good job at 23- check. Find perfect partner by 25- check. Buy a home by 30- check. Have a family with two kids at 32 – no check… 34… no check… then what?

Life had a different path in mind. Things had gone according to my plan with a few hiccups and a few bonuses so far but it was time for some lessons. And somehow- I was forced to accommodate these detours and everyone around me had to learn to do the same. If infertility has taught me one thing- it’s this- look back only for lessons learned, look forward only for hope, live each day one at a time- putting your best foot forward.

I faced it all- unexplained infertility, IUIs, IVFs, first trimester losses- what seemed to be unlucky but deep enduring lessons all in all. The past can be frightening and others’ stories, even more so. The future can be terrifying- the unknown can create a chill run down your spine because you never know what’s in store. But today- today is beautiful and we all need to learn how to enjoy that.

When I was infertile, I felt that once I got pregnant, I would be on top of the world, and would never ask God for anything ever again . I was willing to give my right arm and leg to have a baby. I am pregnant now, and it's a great feeling. However, pregnancy also brings its own set of challenges,  as I am sure parenting will. It's not as if all  the problems disappear once you have  a baby ! I have learned that with every day, we exchange a new set of problems for the old ones, and God gives us the strength to cope with these as well.

How can you enjoy today successfully? Find joy in small things is my favorite mantra that seems to work most days. A simple sunrise or sunset, a good song, planting your garden, the smell of a flower, a movie, loud laughter, a good book, sailing, time with your nieces and nephews, a prayer session, a favorite meal, a yoga or zumba class, a shopping expedition, a card session, there are so many little pleasures that can be had if you just stop focusing on what you can’t have (or simply can’t have right now). And then be patient, do the deed- whatever it may be- and let there be hope. Also, the company of wonderful ears can be a big support- then whether you choose friends, family or a professional life coach or therapist is up to you- but I think it can really help.

Yes, I guess there will always be bad days- but who doesn’t have those? Even those people with seemingly everything have those. A blurb I recall (in my own words)-  Young Girl: “I hate Facebook, every time I log in it seems like everyone has a partner, house, pet or baby- I feel so under-accomplished…” Wise Woman replies “Yes- that’s because they don’t post pictures of arguments, broken roofs,dog shit on carpet and spit up on couch! Everything has a price- you just don’t always see the tag…” 

So- you don’t want to live your life by others accomplishments and standards. Accept your own challenges and live them day by day. Spend time being grateful for what you do have and keep the faith strong!

3 comments:

  1. "I have learned that with every day, we exchange a new set of problems for the old ones, and God gives us the strength to cope with these as well." Being in my twenties I have started to learn this too, thanks for sharing, it helps too know that you are not the only one having facing challenges in everyday life.

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  2. Anonymous1:05 PM

    Doctor, can you give some of your patient's contact emails so that I could talk to them.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You can talk to some of our patients by email at http://www.drmalpani.com/success-stories.htm

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