Thursday, February 28, 2013

This is a guest post by a patient I admire a lot !

Dear Dr. Malpani,

Two days ago when I came back to your clinic you asked me to write about my experience with Julia.
Today I took the time and I started to write my history you can use parts of the letter or the full letter to publish at your newsletter and share with other patients.

Three failed IVF cycles in Europe one failed cycle in India and one cornual ectopic pregnancy I am back at the clinic of Dr. Malpani to go through my last IVF cycle. This time I will be pregnant and I will carry the baby to term without complications.

After three failed IVF treatments in Europe in the year 2010 and 2011 I was completely disappointed from my doctors and the clinic I went, I had no trust anymore into doctors and clinic and no hope towards getting our baby.

A friend of us told us about Dr. Malpani and his clinic in India, I went to the internet and found his homepage. I wrote to him about my situation and immediately we got a reply.

Dr. Malpani recommended certain things and he advised to read the book “Inconceivable” from Julia Indichova.

After ordering the first book “Inconceivable” in August 2011 I was so addicted to what Julia was writing that I started immediately to stop drinking coffee and alcohol and drinking every morning a fresh vegetable/fruit juice.  A few weeks later I ordered the other book “The Fertile Female” and all CD’s with the Imagery exercise and the Body Truth exercise and tried to practice it.

I scheduled another IVF cycle in the clinic of Dr. Malpani in India in March 2012, I was completely convinced that this time it will work, I got so much hope and I was confident with all the preparation I did, like acupuncture, drinking herbal tea etc.

The cycle was for my history good and we had 4 nice embryos to transfer but unfortunately the outcome was negative.

Again we tried to understand what happened and we had many questions to ask for Dr. Malpani which he couldn’t answer, because there is no precise answer for a failed cycle. All what he could tell us is, that everything progressed normally but maybe my eggs are too old. One reason for this is my age and my low AHM level which indicates a poor responding of the ovaries in case of super ovulation. One other option for us would be to go for donor eggs, which was not an option for me at this stage. My husband was more open for it.

Of course I didn’t like the answer and I was not willing to give up I was thinking there must be something else what can help me. The next thing what I did, I went back to Julias homepage (www.fertileheart.com) and I booked a teleconference circle with her, which she is offering in her fertile heart program.

I sent her a mail with my history before the call so that she knew my past and that she was able to work with me during the call. The conf call circle is not a single private session - it is a circle of women who are struggling with the same theme, unexplained infertility, miscarriages, failed IVF cycles etc.

In the phone circle , Julia is practicing birthing of all kind of creatures but what is very important to know she is working with all of us on each individual level in the same time she is practicing the different fertile tools like imagery in the group.

During the first conf call circle I was so touched and after she worked with me I was emotionally completely shattered and it was clear for me I needed to go and see her in the USA where she is offering a one day work shop for infertile women and couples.

Our journey began, we booked a flight to NY and we, my husband and I, drove up to Woodstock where she is living. She has a beautiful studio in her house and all her clients are welcomed in her private house/kitchen/ dining room for the day. What a kind of openness!

The workshop cannot be described, everybody should have the chance to experience it, it is so individual, so different, so warm, so loving the work she is doing and the energy and passion she gives to each single individual person in that room for a full day. So many dramatic stories, so many tears, so many doubts and fear from each single person and at the end all our bodies are shaken up and turned upside down female as well as male.

After this workshop, getting to know Julia and many loving women and couples we went home, we were light, full of faith, full of hope, full of knowledge like there is nothing like old eggs or malfunctioning bodies all what is needed to feed your body with the right remedies.

Good healthy food, good vitamins, self loving passion to be able to create new energy and raise the energy level to let the body rejuvenate itself and a  good portion of imagery and body truth.

After the workshop in May 2012 I changed my lifestyle again, I stopped eating meat and started a vegetarian diet, I stopped eating dairy products and white flour and implemented a good Vitamin product in my daily program and of course practicing each single day some of the imagery exercise from Julia inclusive body truth.

In August 2012 I felt ready to go for another IVF; in my case needed because I have no fallopian tubes anymore, no chance for a natural pregnancy. This time I approached the whole treatment in a different light, I was not putting myself under pressure because I knew I had done all I could do - and the rest was not in my hand.

My husband and I , we took the time to travel to India and to take it as a vacation trip and the IVF treatment as a side business. My husband had to go back even during the process and I was alone for the egg retrieval and the transfer but this didn’t affect me, I felt good. We had two wonderful embryos which were transferred.

This time no one will believe it, after all the negative prognosis, I was pregnant and the hormone levels indicated a healthy pregnancy. Unfortunately the happiness didn’t last long during the sixth week I had to go to the hospital because of extreme pain and the result of the examination was a cornual ectopic pregnancy (the embryo implanted in the far corner of the uterus where the tube meets the uterus). This area is where the uterus lining is very thin and it is not possible for the embryo to implant and to sustain a healthy pregnancy. In my case I had already starter internal bleeding. The pregnancy had to be stopped with a medical intervention.
For my husband and me the world broke apart !  In one moment , we were forced to stop this long awaited pregnancy ! We had to stop this much wanted baby from growing because it was just not implanted at the right place.

After all this I had no hope anymore, no faith, no energy to go further and we asked our self, especially me - what did I do wrong to go through all this ? And there was no answer for this question.
There was only the faith in God and that he will lead us to the journey which is planned for us in our life. This was the only way to accept.

After a few weeks at home to recover from the inner bleeding and a few weeks of grieve we started again to go back to normal life what was very difficult for me but “where is hope there is a way”. Life needs to go on and it is our destiny to continue on our journey.

I went back to join the conf call circle with Julia , who was the only light at this moment for me. I could share my pain, my grieve, my anger, my frustration with someone and with the fertile heart community and this helped me a lot. All these women are going through similar situations , and they can understand very well what it means to go through such a difficult time with all these emotions and pain.

The first two phone circles I couldn’t speak - the pain was too much and I started immediately to cry.
But after the third circle I was able to share my story and to work with Julia on all the doubts, the pain, the beliefs and misbeliefs - and she helped me to go back to my heart and ask myself what are the next steps to continue. Of course the answer was not there immediately , but time after time it became clear to me - it is to trust in myself, to trust in God, to trust in the invisible life force and to believe in the good of the world.

What Julia tries to achieve with her work and her tools, all her energy invested and with all her love is to create a better world, a better world for the yet unborn babies, a better world for everybody …and for this she needs to have a strong community behind her who will help her to achieve this.

All this made me to go on and to believe in the future . Now 6 month later , I am strong enough and filled with all the love I received from the fertile heart community and from all around me to be able to go through another IVF cycle. I hope to be able to hold my baby soon in my arms.

I am very convinced all what is happening has a reason and if it’s only to make us stronger and later better parents for our children and better persons in this world.  

 A lot of Love C

cadiener@yahoo.com








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1 comment:

  1. I wish you lots of good luck ! May your dream come true !

    ReplyDelete

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