Couples who have children can be remarkably clueless about the emotional pain and suffering which infertile couples go through. Because they take their childbearing ability for granted, they sometimes forget what a huge gift a child is – and that not everyone is as fortunate as they are.
Because they do not understand what infertile couples go through , some of them can be remarkably unsympathetic and even unintentionally cruel when talking to infertile couples. In fact, this is one of the reasons why infertile couples are so reluctant to talk to others about what they're going through.
One of the commonest pieces of gratuitous advice which friends , family members and even strangers provide to infertile couples is - Why don't you adopt ? The general opinion seems to be that there are lots of unwanted children begging on the streets ; and that it's an easy matter for infertile couples to just pick up one of these kids and adopt them and provide them with a loving home. Isn't this a great win-win situation for everyone concerned ?
Unfortunately, most people don't realize how hard it is to actually adopt babies in India today. Sadly even infertile couples underestimate the difficulties involved in the process. Adoption now has long waiting lists of up to 2 to 3 years - and for couples who don't live in India, the wait times can be even longer . Adoption agencies are very reluctant to give newborn babies to older couples , as a result of which the number of choices which older couples have becomes extremely limited.
The truth is that there really are not that many unwanted children anymore. As a result of improving literacy levels and better healthcare, most women will terminate unwanted pregnancies, rather than continue them. The easy availability of contraception and emergency contraception has allowed women more control over their bodies; , and inexpensive abortion services allow unmarried women who find themselves inadvertently pregnant to terminate the pregnancies in the first trimester itself . This is a major advance as compared to the past , when they were forced to continue with the pregnancy because they were so poorly informed that they did not even realize that they were pregnant until they had crossed 20 weeks. Adoption agencies just don't have that many unwanted children anymore.
So what about all the beggar children you see on the streets? Please remember these are not unwanted children ! They are actually economic assets for their families , because they are sources of income for their parents ; and they earn money either by begging; scavenging; or by selling newspapers . The street urchins you see are not unwanted children and are not available for adoption.
Not only is it extremely hard to adopt a kid even if you wanted to, the fact remains that lots of infertile couples are thoughtful and conscientious. They are not sure whether they would be able to provide the loving care which children need, if they adopted child. It's very easy to tell someone else to adopt but in actual life this is an extremely complicated decision , because it's not one which involves just your personal feelings. You also need to get buy-in and support from family members and relatives as well , so that they will accept your adopted child as a part of the family.
When infertile couples choose not to adopt , this does not mean that they are being selfish because they just want to propagate their genes. It just means that they are being thoughtful , and doing a lot of soul-searching , before making a decision which is right both for them and for the child.