Monday, September 19, 2011

Why infertile wives will often resent their husbands

There is no doubt that infertility can put a lot of stress on the marriage Even though infertility is always a couple's problem, it's common to see that the priorities and reproductive goals are quite different for the husband and the wife. In fact I have noticed that a lot of wives are quite resentful of their husbands by the time they come for their IVF treatment.

When they get married it's usually the wife's decision to start a family - traditionally , babymaking was supposed to be her department. When she starts getting worried about not getting pregnant, the husband often pooh-poohs her concerns.

Husbands are much more focused on getting a good job and making more money and because of this difference in their priorities , they will often resist going to a doctor. In any case, most men are allergic to doctors and dislike seeking medical attention. Often, as a result of this resistance and dillydallying, months will turn to years before the couple sees an infertility specialist. While a man’s fertility is not affected at all as a result of the passage of time, the woman's fertility does drop dramatically as she ages. This often means that by the time he agrees to consider doing IVF , she is often too old to be able to produce good-quality eggs. She resents the fact that her husband frittered away precious biological time in the pursuit of job promotions or additional wealth.

Sadly, the one thing which can never come back is time. This is why I tell infertile couples that it's far better to out babymaking on their priority list, rather than wait and then regret the fact afterwards. There'll always be time to make more money and get a better job - but you can't outsource babymaking to someone else !

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