There are lots of hopes riding on an IVF cycle - and every patient thinks in their heart of hearts that the cycle is going to work for them . This is why when something goes wrong, patients are often extremely upset and frustrated , and will often take out their anger both on themselves & on the doctor. Unfortunately IVF is a biological process and no matter how competent your doctor, sometimes bad things do happen. IVF obeys Murphy’s law which clearly states , Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. This is why it’s important to be prepared and have realistic expectations. Every IVF cycle has multiple moments of truth. Think of it like a series of hurdles, and you need to cross all of these in order to reach the finish line. You can trip up on any one of these hurdles.
Taking a proactive approach will not only help you deal better with each of these hurdles it will also help you to pick yourself up and move on, even if you do trip up . Being aware of these hurdles will give you a sense of positive satisfaction when you do cross each hurdle , so that no matter what the final outcome of the cycle, whether or not you get pregnant , at least you will have peace of mind that you did your best to reach your final goal.
Sometimes it’s possible for doctors to anticipate problems , but often it’s not , and that’s just a fact of life you need to learn to deal with. Medicine is messy and human reproduction is not an efficient enterprise ! In case things go wrong , it doesn’t mean that it was the doctor who was to blame. You need to learn to dispassionately analyze the event, just like your doctor does .
Please don’t get angry with yourself - it’s not a sign of personal failure if your eggs don’t fertilize ! It’s just one of those things which does happen. Similarly , don’t get angry with your doctor either - it’s not always his fault when these thing happen. It’s understandable that you want to have a target to beat up and you need a vent to express your rage , but using yourself or your doctor as a punching bag is not the right answer ! These biological facts need to be treated objectively - even when they happen to you and your heart is breaking ! The important thing is that after you’ve tripped , you need to bounce back , pick yourself up , learn from what went wrong and then formulate a Plan B course of action , so you’re better prepared to move on towards your goal.