Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Why is my husband refusing to get his semen tested ?
A common problem many women face is that while they are willing to go to the doctor to get her testing done, her husband often refuses to get his semen tested. In most cultures, having a baby is the "woman's job" which is why women take the initiative when they are having difficulty falling pregnant. Biologically as well, while women can hear their biological clock ticking away, most men are blissfully unaware of this fact. They are quite happy to let Nature take its own course and are reluctant to meddle or interfere. It's much more fun to make a baby in the bedroom, so why do we need a doctor's help ? And sometimes the fact that they may need medical assistance is a threat to their ego. Since all their friends have managed to get their wife pregnant without any outside assistance, they feel it is demeaning to ask for help in this department. Isn't sex a simple biological function they perform so well on their own ? Since their sexual performance leaves nothing to be desired, doesn't this automatically mean that their sperm must be excellent too ? Why do they need a stupid lab test to prove this fact when they are so obviously virile ?
The truth is that while most men enjoy playing with technology, the one kind of technology they are uncomfortable with is reproductive technology because they understand so little about the woman's body. They are scared of hormones and shots - and are worried about the effect these will have on their wife. ( All men dread the PMS, and since they know that PMS is caused by female hormones, this means that hormones are bad for their personal well-being, and are best avoided as far as possible !) Also, some do not want to put their wife through the pain and discomfort of an IVF cycle just to have a baby, because this is not something which is high on their priority list.
Finally, a major reason why many men do not get their sperm tested is the fact that they are afraid. Suppose there is a problem with my sperm ? Suppose my sperm count is zero ? Suppose I am shooting blanks ? Then what ? Most men have a very fragile ego and they do not want to risk harming this !
Wives need to learn to be empathetic. Please understand that when your husband refuses to get his semen tested, it is not because he is being difficult or ornery. He may be just plain scared and maybe he is too afraid to admit his fear to you ! Reassure him that you love him for more than his sperm - and that together, will be able to find a solution to the problem , even if it does need some medical intervention !